


The tale of the swindling princess, the pea and the biggest fraud in the history of mankind

by Itsuka_Sudo



Series: Old english stories [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:01:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24927388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itsuka_Sudo/pseuds/Itsuka_Sudo
Summary: Once again a story written when I was in high school, this time from 2017. This was with directions to "choose an existing fairy tail and re-write it using different narrative devices".This was originally The Princess and the Pea, with roughly 4-5 paragraphs, covering not even a full A4.Hope you like it!
Series: Old english stories [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1804021
Kudos: 2





	The tale of the swindling princess, the pea and the biggest fraud in the history of mankind

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it, please comment.  
> PS: I suck at tagging, so PM me, if you have any additional ideas.  
> PPS: Why is 'The Princess and the Pea' not a tag?!

We all know the stories about princes and princesses, how they overcome some evil monster and live happily ever after. But not all stories are like that, actually, most of them aren’t. People just look at the happy things or the part of life that they see as the best and when things go south they just write that, “They lived happily ever after,” and stop caring. The story I will tell you is not that well known, well, at least not as known as Cinderella or Snow White, but it is still my story and I wish to let the world know of my biggest achievement.

Long, long ago, well not that long, only a few years actually, but anyway, there was a prince. The prince was dead set on marrying a princess and only a real princess. Many women came to him, but he was never satisfied. So he let the message spread even further, until one day the news reached even me.

At the time I was traveling through a village admiring the beauty, when I heard a voice: “Come and hear, the prince of the Pea kingdom is in a search of a wife, but not any woman will do, it must be a real princess. Now go and spread the news.”

You see I despise people like the prince, caring only about the looks or the titles and not truly viewing the person, so I decided I’d teach him a lesson. “Ooh, the prince wishes for a princess, well then we shall give him one,” I thought to myself, a small smirk appearing on my face. With that I headed to the small inn I was currently residing in.

I am no fool, so I knew that if I wanted to get to the prince I would need a good cover story. “Ideal would be if they believed me, but that’s not likely to happen, so I’ll have to hope they’ll give me some challenge to overcome, usually they aren’t as hard as the creators might think, but the prince could simply take my word, so I’ll have to wait and see,” I thought. And with that I packed my things, only a medium sized backpack and left.

I won’t write up the travel, it would be tedious and boring, both to read and write, so I’ll just say that it took about ten days by walking. The only important thing that happened was the creation of my plan. I decided I would make a complete mess of myself, when I came to the castle I would tell them that I heard of the prince, how I made my way to the castle, but on the way I was met by some unfortunate circumstances and ask to meet the prince. “Perfect,” I thought and soon I arrived at the castle.

As planned I knocked and waited. Soon a maid came and I told her I was there to meet the prince, she, obviously, tried to kick me out, but I was persistent, while keeping my most oblivious charade. I forced my way through her and wandered through the palace until I collided into someone.

“I’m so sorry!” I exclaimed hurriedly. A moment later I managed to see who it was. Clean white shirt, magenta pants, golden embroidery all over, “The prince,” I thought. Then I looked at his face and I had to do my best to contain my laughter. That face! It was so hilarious! It was twisting with disgust, but looking like he was trying to contain it, still not managing, he looked like a comedian trying to make a joke about a rotting corpse!

“Who are you?” he asked, still keeping the same sour expression.

“Who am I, you ask. Of course, I am your princess, the one you were searching for,” I told him, still keeping my innocent, obliviously cute charade.

“Son,” a voice came from the corridor, “my beloved son, here you are. Oh, who may this young lady be?”

“Mother,” the prince said facing the newcomer.

“So that’s the queen,” I thought, while looking on the woman, barely my height, bright red hair, that’s colored for sure, god why do people do that, it’s so obvious it’s fake do why bother, white face, again tons and tons of make-up, it made her look even older than she probably was, golden and red robe reaching from her neck down to her tip toes.

“Mother,” I was forced out of my thoughts by the princes words, “this lady,” god he said the word with such disgust, there couldn’t be more of it even if he tried, “she says that she is a princess.”

“Oh, really?” said the queen, while searching over me with mild aversion.

“Yes, my queen,” I answered, keeping up the cheerful façade. “My name is Chisa and as a said I am a princess from a faraway country. I understand that my appearance may not support my saying; however, that is only, because I was hit by a terrible storm on my way here.” I explained still smiling.

“If that is so we must not keep you like that,” she said, smiling, but obviously not fully trusting me. With that she called some maids to take me to bathe and change my clothing.

After the bath the maids let me roam a bit around the castle, they were really too trusting, though in the end it was very fortunate for me. While roaming around the castle I heard the queen’s voice: “Now we’ll see if you’re a real princess.” When I looked at her I was truly shocked, she was smiling and talking to a pea. Still I decided to follow her to see what was going on. The queen walked for a while before stopping in front of a room and walking inside. I followed after her and saw her putting the pea under a stack of mattress.

“So that’s what she’s thinking,” I told myself before swiftly leaving. “It’s almost common knowledge how oversensitive a princess can be, so she’s thinking about making me sleep on a stack of mattress and see if I can feel it, she’s so underestimating me, that little-“

“Miss!” a maid called.

“Yes? Is something wrong?” I replied realizing that she was calling me.

“Oh, no, certainly not. Just that your room has been decided and I am supposed to show you there,” she answered, showing me a small smile.

“Thank you so much. Well the, shall we go?” I said coming closer and following after her.

When the maid showed me to the room, I was not shocked to see that it was exactly the same that I saw the queen in before. The maid bid me a goodnight and I went to sit. Yes, sit not sleep, after all if I slept the queen could find out and my plan would fail, and so I just sat on the bed and waited through the night.

It seemed like an eternity, but the morning finally came. A maid came to the room, helped me bath, like I couldn’t do it by myself, and dress, again why? Are those royals so incompetent that they can’t even dress themselves! Back to the matter at hand. After dressing me up, the maid led me into a huge dining room and the prince and queen already sitting there.

“How did you sleep, dear?” the queen asked slyly. That little! She thinks she can over smart me, ME! I’ll show you!

“Oh, terribly, something hard was underneath my bed and I couldn’t get a wink of sleep,” I sighted dramatically.

The queen’s face literally lit up when she heard that. She started screaming something about the real princess, engagement, marriage and what not. And as the queen ordered a marriage was prepared and I soon married the prince.

Usually a story would end with that but that was not the real end, because that came a little after.

The night of my marriage, after the prince went to sleep I got up and went to the royal treasury. Once there I took any and every piece of gold, silver, jewelry and money I could find and put it into a carriage I had prepared and set out on another journey, leaving the Pea kingdom without turning back.


End file.
